What Happens at School, Stays at School (mostly)

In my work as a therapist and now with TABT, I’m often asked what to do when caregivers get a note home or a phone call about school behavior. Should there be consequences? Do we talk about it? How do I make it stop NOW? It can be so hard to hear that info. Trust me, I know firsthand. 

Every time I’m asked, I always tell the parent or caregiver (and now myself), what happens at school, stays at school. It’s done, the moment has passed, and consequences or punishments will not help. 

When our kids come home from school, no matter how many days or hours they attend, the #1 thing for you to do is reconnect. It should be positive and loving. Home is their safe haven and they need to feel nurtured after those hours away. 

If there was an incident at school, it needs to be dealt with at school. It’s important information for you to know so I want teachers to share it. Teachers and caregivers should work together to develop a plan and be as consistent as possible for the child. You can and should talk about it with your child at home, but it should not be punitive. Be inquisitive, supportive, and empathetic. You are on your child’s team! You are their best advocate.

After some time, have a snack together and talk about what happened. I’d say something like, “I wonder what happened at recess today…Ms. Smith said you and Tommy had a hard time?” If your child engages, awesome! If not, that’s okay too. You can do the talking. “Hmm, maybe it feels hard to talk about or you’re worried you are in trouble. You are not in trouble. I’m just curious what happened…maybe next time if yall need help, you can ask Ms. Smith…” Obviously this needs to catered to the situation! I’m always happy to help!