Sharing Stinks!

I get asked about sharing a lot and honestly, I think I’ve been avoiding the subject. It’s complicated and I wasn’t sure where to start. I was lying awake at 4:30 (too often these days) with racing thoughts and just started writing. This is by no means an all encompassing post on sharing. I want to get the conversation started and this is the jumping off point. As always, ask me your questions and I’ll fill in gaps as we go.

I think, to grown ups, sharing is the ultimate sign that our child plays well with others and is kind, generous, and cooperative. But, children quickly learn that when a grown up says “share” it means “I have to give up something I want.” Uttering the word “share” often causes an instant upheaval.  

When we force our kids to share, we also send the message that their wants are less important than those of others. If someone asks something of you, you do it or you give it. But, that’s not really how life works...If an acquaintance asks to borrow your car, what do you say? What if someone sees you reading a book and wants to read it? I know they seem like silly comparisons but as adults we don’t often share things of value to us or things we’re in the middle of using. So why are we putting all this pressure to do so on our kids? 

It’s important to remember the child’s perspective - toys might seem simple to us, but to children, they are gold. Especially something new or a longtime favorite. Also, play is how kids learn and toys are the tools, so we have to be careful not to disrupt the learning and work that’s in progress by forcing them to share. 

What’s my solution? Taking Turns. It’s a subtle difference, but when done properly, taking turns allows for all of the children’s needs to be met and for cooperative, productive play. There’s information about how I handle it on my Sibling Conflict blog post. Here is a link to my audio recording about Sharing, Taking Turns, and Hoarding Toys.