It's All Fun and Games...
…until you play with your kids. Have you ever played a game with your child?? Cheating, lying, yelling, crying, tantrums, meltdowns…sound about right?
About 10 seconds after I took the photo above all of the cards were thrown on the floor…so fun.
Nobody likes to lose. Especially kids. Especially, especially, anxious or perfectionistic kiddos.
Losing is an important life lesson, though! We want our kids to deal with disappointment and frustration calmly and graciously, but IT’S HARD.
I’ve said this in previous posts and it bears repeating - our kids associate their behavior with their self worth. So, if I lose, I am a loser. If I play badly, I am bad. While their reactions might seem incredibly overblown to us, losing Candyland is a gut punch to our kids. Keep that in mind next time you play!
Here are my tips for playing games with kids so that yall can have fun and your kids can practice losing and building frustration tolerance:
Be patient…
Play one round by the game rules, then one round by your child’s rules. You may need to play more rounds or create a rotation to accommodate siblings. When it’s the child’s turn to make up the rules, anything goes. They can lie, they can change the rules every minute, whatever they want to do. I recommend setting a time limit…Max’s favorite rule is that the game never ends 😅
When you lose, model being a gracious loser and emphasize the real reason you play - to have fun! I’d say something like, “aww shucks! I’m disappointed that I lost, but I’m ok. Playing with you is fun no matter what!”
When you win, brace yourself. Be ready to help your child through the meltdown that may ensue. Remember, it’s normal for them to have an intense reaction. Be patient, calm, and help your child through it. I’d say something like, “aw shucks! That’s so disappointing. You were really hoping to win. It’s ok to be upset. You WILL be ok. You won’t be upset forever. You can cry or go hit your bop bag. It will not work to break the game/throw the cards. I will stop you.”
When everyone’s calm, maybe over dinner or during bath time, talk about the game and about how they are good kids no matter what. “I had fun playing UNO with you. It was hard when I lost and I think it was hard when you lost, too. You are a good player and a good kid even when you don’t win. Games are for us to have fun playing together. Sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t…”