You Get What You Get and You *Might* Throw a Fit

“…I will help you when things feel hard. You WILL be ok.”

Or

“…yelling and screaming will not change my mind. You can be mad. Let it out. We can talk more when you are calm.”

You’ve probably heard the catchy original phrase “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” But, kids have fits! It’s what they do. We can’t stop them or will them away as much as we wish we could. They are a reality when working with and raising young kids. The sooner you can accept that, the better.*

Instead of viewing tantrums and meltdowns as misbehavior or manipulation, I need you see them for what they are - a way of saying, “this doesn’t meet my expectations! I’m disappointed and now I’m overwhelmed! Help me!” Tantrums and meltdowns tend to happen when our kids are already overtired, hungry, going through a growth spurt/developmental leap, or overexcited about holidays, etc. One seemingly minor issue can set them off. It’s hard to be little! Life can be really overwhelming when everything is new.

I’m usually asked how to stop tantrums or meltdowns, but the best approach is to move through them. Let your child get it out. When we try to stop it or shut it down, it tells the child that those feelings are not okay. This leads to more! When we allow our kids the space and time to unload, we send the message that they are safe, normal, and that we are there to support them. Later, when things are calm, you talk about what happened and brainstorm some better ways to cope when overwhelmed. 

Expect the fits, they are coming! Keep your cool. Validate the feelings. Provide the space to safely express. Help the child regroup or redirect to another activity to move on. Process when everyone is calm. 

*This does not mean we condone hurtful behavior or language. We set limits! 

Reach out for a consultation if you need more support. Discipline is personal!